It finally happened. I think I knew all along that it would. Perhaps It was inevitable. Despite my excitement for the next season of my life, my heart changed today…Although I admit that good-byes typically tear me apart and that my heart tends to lean towards the sentimental side, today was epic. It is a day and a feeling that I will always remember but long to forget.
I walked through those doors for the last time today. For the last four years, it had been home. The people-they gave the word family meaning. They taught me something that I can never thank them enough for. Love. I experienced it there in a new way & it was so real that even just seeing it changed me. It was mom and dad Jones holding hands a few rows ahead of me and me starting to believe in falling in love. It was Christmas with the Boyers/Swiharts, feeling like a part of the family. It was my girls praying in the basement together, knowing He was there. It was late night phone calls to ease broken hearts and restore hope. It was smiles. It was hugs. It was tears. It was so much love that my heart didn’t know how to contain it.
It finally happened. I think I knew all along that it would. Perhaps it was inevitable. Despite my excitement for the next season of my life, my heart rejoiced today… Two years ago, I sat in that office, getting lost in the dreams of what could be. It all started with high hopes but it included hours of effort that often seemed fruitless. Despite the exhaustion and frustration, despite the many days I wanted to quit and forget all of it, deep down I knew that each hour was worth it. And today as I sat in the new junior high service as my once-freshman-girls served in the youth ministry as a college freshman., I knew that it was. After hours of sweat and tears, change has occurred. Some dreams will be left there unfulfilled, but many have come true and you should see them- they are the most beautiful teenagers I have ever seen.
Church picnics, running the sound booth with Billy, baptisms that brought me to tears, moving chairs, making copies, 12 junior highers in a very large pair of sweatpants, International brunches, teaching stepping classes, water balloons, laughing til you cry, His Word coming to life, Allyson leading worship, prayer groups, Pier31’s version of American Idol…So many memories, so many lessons. My time at Evangel has forever altered my life. Being a part of this family has done something to my heart–It has taught me to love , to really love-to soak it all up, to feel it with every part of my being.
It finally happened. I think I knew all along that it would. Perhaps it was inevitable. Despite my excitement for the next season of my life, my heart shattered tonight…11:44 p.m. The fact that it was my last day did not sink in until now. I made it most of the day in rather high spirits. It was almost like a dream, almost unreal. Then it hit me and there was nothing that would change it. The tears started to well up. I took a breath initially wanting to avoid these feelings and told myself to be strong. Like many times before, I decided that I did not want to feel anything. It isn’t worth it, I argued with myself. But if there is anything that I have learned these past years at Evangel is that love is worth it. Their demonstration of God’s love awoke my heart and enlarged my heart’s very capacity. I felt it there and I want to feel all of it, even all the pain that comes with love in good-byes. So instead of trying to hold it all together or close off my heart, I want to feel the fullness of this good-bye- it shows the love that they have taught me and that I will never forget.
Next time I walk through those doors, I may be visiting but I will never be a visitor. It is my home and they are my family.
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
The family is a haven in a heartless world.
Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule. ~Frederick W. Robertson
